A Peanut Butter Story
As told on Twitter – updated (almost) daily
Once upon a time, in the land of mixed nuts and caramel candy corn, there lived a woman who believed peanut butter to be the perfect food. Each day upon opening up the jar of peanut butter, she would marvel at its perfection and wonder – what would life be like without it? Then it dawned on her, at one time in the history of the world, long before the iPad and Pants on the Ground, peanut butter did not exist! She thought, how cool would it be to go back in time and introduce the people of long ago to the wonders of peanut butter. She puzzled over who should populate her list of BPB (before peanut butter) historical figures. But first things first…Jif or Skippy?
Certainly it would have to be Jif because choosy mothers choose Jif. And, Jif is way better than Skippy (Peter Pan doesn’t even count). Realizing she also had to determine the dates that marked BPB and APB, it was time to start some serious research. So she got a googling. She found a peanut butter lovers website. Of course, peanut butter is so awesome it should have its own website. This didn’t help much as no one can really lay claim to crushing peanuts into paste. One thing she did find – lots of plagiarism.
Her research led her to the font of all great journalism, Time magazine, where she discovered peanuts are not nuts! Peanuts are legumes! She puzzled for a moment and wondered, well, what in tarnation is a legume besides a funny word? And what a wonderful word it is – legume. It’s so rhymey. She sat down straight away to write a legume poem.
Les Goom of Doom~
The legume in the room said to the broom
I believe the bride just might leave the groom
The broom was unfazed As it pondered and gazed
It stood in the corner and leisurely lazed
The bristled legume Now upset with the broom
Could not understand ignoring the doom
Of the fleet, fickel bride who just might leave the groom
But, said the broom to the baffled legume,
The bride is unsure of her bobbly bafoon
Her thoughts fly and flee when she deep thinks of he
To the possible plum of a Sapphable she.
To be continued…
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